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nadineharbor:

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Tags: god in me
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Protect Me

When grandma’s words slipped slow

poison down my throat, 

dying a little each time, 

no one protected me. 

When that drunk man entered the restaurant

and hovered behind me…

leaving me shaken,

no one protected me. 

When Stephanie pulled me around school

by my hair, helpless and humiliated,

no one protected me. 

When Stacey insulted me everyday-

hitting and stomping on my feet-

no one protected me. 

No one stood up for me.

Was I not worth protecting?

Was I not worth fighting for?

Am I worth the effort?

Hardened heart, brick-built fortress;

I learned to protect myself.

By not letting anyone else in.

"Keep Out" "Turn Back"

Until I met “the one” 

who invaded my high fort, and 

left me underneath the rubble. 

Laying in the ashes, I ask

Is it worth it to love?

To show my true self?

I need to protect what is mine.

I need to protect myself,

always have my guard up.

Don’t show that you’re weak. 

If those tears fall, you’ve failed.

You’ve lost.

Don’t give them the satisfaction of

letting them know just how far 

they’ve pushed you.

Keep that mask on.

Shake off the pain.

Or absorb it like a sponge.

But I gotta admit:

it’s lonely in this tower.

Ragged breaths, shuffled steps,

exhausted from the countless battles.

I’m tired, but I have to stand

because

Who else will fight for me?

I will.

You don’t need to carry that anymore.

I am your shield.

Lay down your armor because I have

come to fight on your behalf.

I want you to rest.

Why protect someone like me?

I love you.  

There’s no other reason needed.

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"And it’s just You and me here now

Only You and me here now”

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(Source: unbrokenbygrace)

Tags: truth God
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(Source: teenofchrist, via joyinchrist)

Tags: God found lost
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Journey

The time has come!

Who knew I would someday give a talk on this…haha! God, You knew.  Tonight, I’ll be talking about Agape Love, through the Scripture of the Prodigal son and pieces of my own story. 

Wow.. After going through my talk a couple more times, I suddenly had an urge to read my old journal.  My OTHER journal- the one I used from Freshman year all the way to part of my Junior year. 

As a Sophomore after Mark Camp:

"Lord, thank you for being with me the entire time.  Thank you for blessing me and providing me with the love I don’t deserve, the people I could only dream of, and the patience I longed to gain the past year, which was full of stumbling blocks and mistakes. 

Help me find my identity in You alone.” 

As I read my entries.. I laugh at the silly things I did, smile at the memories, and feel my heart twinge through my broken cries.  I had so many questions.  Some are still unanswered.  I had so many doubts and fears.  Some are still there.  But I am blown away by the full picture of everything that has happened in my life.  I’m still learning things about myself and about You.  

Who knew I’d someday be on the other side: On the stage.. when I used to sit in those chairs.  As a speaker, I believe You are moving in the lives of these students.  Each and every one.  I mean, hey, I’m still here, right? A living, breathing testament of what You can do!  XD haha Anything is possible with You. 

It’s so clear to me now.. that as a Freshman, I’d been searching for love.  But it wasn’t rooted in Agape Love.  I dove into Philia(Friendship) and Eros(Romantic) without You, and made a really big mess…But You were able to redeem it all, and still show me so much grace.  I’ve gotten to experience so many new things.  I’ve gotten to meet more wonderful people!  And I’m thankful for the ways You’ve used me to love others…that I get to see You moving in their lives.  

In the ways that I’ve been hurt.. the ways that I longed to be loved… You prompted me..and asked me “Why don’t you demonstrate the love you wish to feel?  How should we love one another?”  

Love is patient, kind, not envy, not boast, not proud, not rude, not self-seeking, not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongs, doesn’t delight in evil, always protects, trusts, and perseveres

Love never fails. 

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This song is for two “freshmen” I’ve watched on this journey towards finding You.  My deepest and most fervent prayer is for them to know you in new ways.That You would sing them a love song.. I love you guys so much.  

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spiritualinspiration:

So many people today are living with less than God’s best because they’ve allowed fear to creep in and take root in their lives. Fear is the greatest weapon the enemy uses to try to hold us back. Fear is not from God. Scripture tells us that fear brings torment. It’s designed to paralyze us and keep us from God’s blessings.
The good news is that God is greater than fear. His power in you is greater than any power that comes against you. But, in order to walk in His power, you have to close the door on the enemy. See, the enemy can’t have access to your life unless you open a door and give him access. That’s why we have to be careful about what we watch, what we listen to, what we read, and what we say. When we open ourselves to fear, we give the enemy opportunity.
If you’ve allowed fear to steal from you in any area of life, today you can be free — you can be finished with fear. Conquering the enemy starts by making the choice to close the door on fear by receiving God’s love and meditating on His promises. Receive His truth and speak His truth. Let Him set you free and lead you into victory as you close the door on fear.

spiritualinspiration:

So many people today are living with less than God’s best because they’ve allowed fear to creep in and take root in their lives. Fear is the greatest weapon the enemy uses to try to hold us back. Fear is not from God. Scripture tells us that fear brings torment. It’s designed to paralyze us and keep us from God’s blessings.

The good news is that God is greater than fear. His power in you is greater than any power that comes against you. But, in order to walk in His power, you have to close the door on the enemy. See, the enemy can’t have access to your life unless you open a door and give him access. That’s why we have to be careful about what we watch, what we listen to, what we read, and what we say. When we open ourselves to fear, we give the enemy opportunity.

If you’ve allowed fear to steal from you in any area of life, today you can be free — you can be finished with fear. Conquering the enemy starts by making the choice to close the door on fear by receiving God’s love and meditating on His promises. Receive His truth and speak His truth. Let Him set you free and lead you into victory as you close the door on fear.

(via joyinchrist)

Tags: fear God enemy
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Tags: prayer God
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Tonight, I know God is working in our small group leaders and that makes me so excited.  Excited that God is letting me witness a glimpse of it.  I really hope we grow more as a community of believers- encouraging and challenging one another towards a deeper relationship with Him (and with each other ^^) 

I’m especially thankful tonight for two juniors who I have watched grow since coming in as freshmen.  I’m so so proud…and thankful. Seriously, teared up a tiny bit. Even if I’m only here for this year, I want to do my best in everything.  Take risks, try new things.  And to always try and point everything to Jesus, not myself.  

Thank you, Father, for everything that was done tonight.  Your Not Finished With Me Yet. 

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This made me tear up so fast. I often take my Bible for granted..It’s on top of a pile of books in my room. Need to remember how precious this gift really is.

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The Space Between Us- Shawn McDonald

This song really speaks to me. Because my most intimate talks with God are the ones late in the night.  Those nights where I suddenly am wide awake.  Because I fill cram my days with other things, I don’t leave any space for Him.  Haha I know when I’m wide awake when I shouldn’t be, God wants my attention. 

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Silence and Solitude

is STILL one of the harder disciplines for me! 

Last year during Prayer Seminar, Estelle showed us a jar of shaken-up, muddy water. This is us right now…but once we allow silence into our lives and just be still, things will settle and become clear.  

Sometimes, I know I have time to be with God. But I’m afraid to hear what He has to say. or what He won’t say. So I distract myself with other things, just to keep numbing myself.  I go through my week with all these thoughts I’m repressing..just so I can finish the tasks of the day.  Like a can of soda..shaken, as bubble and fizz are held inside, just a small, innocent question away from releasing a HUGE MESS.  And that mess happened to explode on our Staff prayer meeting last night.  After some deep healing prayer, I know this is just the beginning…and that I really needed to make more space in my life to receive. 

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"And that’s even harder. It brings me to the point all deepening relationships eventually come to: when somebody has to take the leap of faith into the free-fall that is intimacy. This is the point at which we decide that this relationship matters enough and this person is worth putting our heart on the line for."

Silence and Solitude, Ruth Haley Barton

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"Perhaps the deepest and hardest to articulate fear is the fear that this God whom we cannot control will not meet us in the way we want to be met."

Silence and Solitude, Ruth Haley Barton